First is the worst....

And this being my first post, I'm hoping it only gets better after this. Whoa! This feels strange.  I was never a big journal writer, so having a running record of my thoughts written down is going to be weird.  I also have a giant disclaimer for you all:  I. Do. Not. Write. For. A. Living.  I would never claim to. So, I'm sure I will use words incorrectly, spell things poorly, and put commas where they aren't needed.  And to that I say, get over it! This is more for me than for anyone else, so I could care less than to worry about my completely flawed writing.  So you don't worry either! Ok? Thanks. Bye!

I guess I should probably give a little background on me for those of you who don't know. My full name is Jacquelyn Elizabeth Pearl.  I was born on November 7 in Palo Alto, California.  My parents are Bruce Pearl (yes that guy) and Kim Shrigley.  I have 2 brothers and a sister.  I am who I am because I get to call those five amazing people my family.

My gorgeous brothers and sister!

I am a daddy's girl and proud of it!

I love my mama so much!

I have moved around my whole life.  Since I was born, I have lived in California (Palo Alto), Iowa (Iowa City), Indiana (Evansville), Wisconsin (Milwaukee and Madison), Tennessee (Knoxville), and Illinois (Chicago). Moving on to new things and new people feels natural for me. The main reason we moved so much was for my dad's job. Except the the Chicago move--that was all me--and we'll get to that in another post.

I am the daughter of a DI college basketball coach. I know I am biased, but my dad is the best man that I know. As most of you will remember, he was in a bit of trouble a few years ago with the NCAA.  I really hate talking about it.  I get upset and say mean things. So we won't go there I guess. Anyways...he was on a 3 year suspension and never expected to coach again. Then, on March 18th, he was offered the amazing opportunity to coach again at Auburn University! #WarEagle #bestbirthdaypresentever  I will never be able to thank Auburn enough for getting my daddy back on the sidelines.  It was a tough three years for our entire family.  We endured endless criticism, unwanted public attention, and had some 'friends' show their true colors and magically disappear from our lives. It was an eye opening experience for all of us, but I cannot wait for this new adventure and have been stocking up on the 'correct' color orange! Don't worry Knoxville--I graduated from UT and will always be a Vol Fan...until basketball season rolls around.  ;-)

As I mentioned previously, I want to give you all a look into what's happening underneath the facade. So enough with the stuff you already know...

(This is where this gets really difficult for me)

I have been battling low self esteem and weight issues since I was a little girl.  I know this is very common for young women, so I never really thought much of it. When I was younger, I always felt bigger than the other girls my age. I was never bullied.  I had a great group of friends. I had boyfriends. But I felt like I was different--big.  Looking back at pictures, I couldn't believe I ever looked at myself and thought I was fat.  I played 4 sports.  I was tall and athletic.  I had muscles!!! Unfortunately, that mentality followed me through grade school, into high school, through college, and is stuck with me now.  

Then one day, about 2 and a half years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and I hated what was looking back at me.  It was a strange feeling because I finally seen a reflection of what I was feeling.  It was like I had taken off my own mask. It was then that I realized the 'typical' girl problems had morphed into something debilitating.  It was keeping me from living my life.  

I was sad.  

I was lonely.  

I didn't recognize myself.

I decided to make a change.  I called The Rush, got a trainer, cleaned out my fridge, and changed my life.  I started working out 5x a week, I ate super healthy, and my attitude about myself changed.  I didn't look at myself as a victim of my mindset anymore.  I felt free! I felt like a weight had been lifted--literally! Losing 35+ lbs will do that to a girl. But then life happened and I fell.

Fast forward to May 20, 2014. Go on passed a promotion, a move, a year of having no support system in Chicago, a huge change in my career again, a move back to Knoxville, and a lot of pizza. I was back where I started.  I was back to the attitude I had about myself all those years ago.  But--again--I woke up, removed the mask, and saw myself in a different light.  And this time, I am not looking at myself like a helpless little girl who cannot affect her circumstances.  I am taking control of my life...again. I am changing my life...again. This will not be without it's challenges.  It won't be without set backs. But, with the support and encouragement of all of you, and taking my feelings out in this blog instead of with food, I will be back to myself in no time.  I've done it once. Why not again?

I read a quote the other day that stuck with me. It said "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."  So.  I'm going to stop re-reading chapters of my life and start using them as a foundation to continue writing my story.  I hope you guys will stick around and see what happens!

Until next time...

xoxo

J